Currently Listening Futures By Jimmy Eat World see related

   wow, xanga. haha. long time no see.

I have three tick bites, one behind my ear that keeps swelling up.  kendra's the one who brought the ticks in the tent. i'll probably end up with lime disease now.

My phone is on a hinge, literally:

Yesterday I stayed up until 7:30 AM finishing my final portfolio for creative writing. then i drove to school in the rain and traffic, dropped it in my teacher's box, and went to the basement of duerkson to sleep in the CRATEL lab. john harrison walked in there while i was sleeping and apologized, saying he didn't need to be there anyway and told me to go back to sleep. I really don't have any right to claim the cratel lab as my sleeping zone, but it was nice of him. he was the only one that came in there. i don't think i would've done that, but it's finals week and hardly anyone's in duerkson unless they're doing juries, and it's so comfy on that couch and i can turn the lights off.

it's been a really great, busy semester, and I'm not sure what i'm going to do next week when i have nothing to do...i'm looking for a new job to work during the day though. my chauffer boss is actually looking for me. at least for today. 

I know i have to get into the habit of practicing mundane, yet meditating, scales and drone and rhythm things all summer long. I changed my major to Music Journalism.  no joke. so i'm kind of like a double major, it's a combination of music performance and journalism.  at WSU, i'm currently the only one majoring in this, but it does exist. trust me. it's on the list.

just when u think u can't get any broker, and then something else comes up. i'm probably going to buy a $200 sleeping bag for my camping trip, one that's compact and warm. i might get one at half that price, but it won't be as warm. how often do i camp in the winter time anyway?? famous last words...

one more final left! and it's on saturday, right in the middle of initiation.  i'm studying tomorrow during the afternoon...all day, until work.  then i might study afterwards until initiation starts. spanish...blah.

i'm gonna go find some chow until rehearsal...i guess i have to leave in like thirty minutes, but i might stretch that to an hour.

Currently Watching White Oleander (Widescreen) By Amy Aquino, John Billingsley (II), Elisa Bocanegra, Darlene Bohorquez, Solomon Burke Jr., Scott Allan Campbell, Sam Catlin, Debra Christofferson, Billy Connolly, Marc Donato, Svetlana Efremova, Patrick Fugit, Vernon Haas, Sean Happy, Cole Hauser, Leila Kenzle, Cathy Ladman, Drinda Lalumia, Myra Lamar, James Lashly see related

  Why is it I'm only tired when I get up and when I'm in class?  The rest of the time I can't fall asleep.  Like now...it would be perfect to fall asleep now. I got less than four hours last night and I'm totally awake. awesome.  And i fell asleep in class this morning, again.  I can't help it. He's not boring, but it's warm and dimly lit.  And that chair is so comfy with my coat.

Anyway, here's some pics of my niece.  She was born December 15 at 3PM and we went to Texas shortly after.

Okay, so we all know babies are cute, but I really do miss her.  I've held many babies before, and maybe it's because it's my sister's baby or because there's a feeling of being an "aunt", but I can't wait to go back down and see her.  Everyday it makes me so sad that Caitlin and Elizabeth (that's the baby's name) will always be far away.  Every member of my family is moving to wherever their spouses are.  I sound like a hypocrite though.  We were all encouraged to branch out and not neccessarily live in Wichita the rest of our lives. My cousin John is in Massachussets I think where he met his fiancee, rachel (weird, i know)... My cousin Laura and her husband are in his hometown in Arizona.  My sister's moving from Texas to Pennsylvania when she gets out of the air force with her fiancee. My cousin Megan is doing the same thing, I think....Texas? I don't talk to her much though. Keith is joining the Navy, so he'll always be far away.  My mom will just be broken hearted if I moved far away.  I want to move away, but I want to always come back. I thought about studying abroad in Ireland, for maybe a semester, but that's it. Mostly I want to travel around in the summer time and save up. 

For example, over spring break I plan to go to Arizona and visit my cousin. I really miss her.  She used to live across the street from me and we would always go out and do things with her boyfriend(now her husband.  They got married in Hawaii!)  They live out in the country and have two four wheelers which we'll go out in.  And I will find my own way up north to the Grand Canyon, cuz I just have to.  Laura and James work too much probably to have time to go up there, but I guess we'll see.  I could probably take a bus.

The first week in June, Kendra and I are going to become boyscouts for a week!  Always wanted to be a boyscout...haha. Kendra's brother's troop is going canoing on the Great Lakes up into Canada.  I got invited. So I'm going for real.  A real campout in the wilderness. Can't wait.

Might be going to Mexico in the summer time if everything works out.  I'm really hoping that Alejandre is going back so I can ride down with her.  My only concern is work, since the other two caretakers are going to be gone for 16 weeks, I'll be the only one and have to be practically full time.  If i'm gone, they'll have no one.  I don't know how they can expect me to just volunteer full time suddenly anyway.  We'll see I suppose. Emily might come with us, since she's no longer going with her class. Six weeks is too long, which is true, but she has something to hold on to.  I started to feel the longing for home/familiarity in my third week in Europe, and then after my second day home, all I wanted to do was go back.  It's not the people.  I just want to see what the world has to offer, and this place is not blooming with opportunities or anything. 

I did get two new jobs though.  Obviously, the caretaker, as you just read about.  I'm also a chauffer for this businessman.  He's really cool and he's a good dad.  I drive him and his kids home everyday, and on some errands.

Here some random pics from Sedgwick County Park, and then a fish at the zoo. Then my batteries died.

I made friends with this squirrel too.

I hate reality TV shows. And soap operas. They just depict the most pathetic people ever who make mountains out of mole hills and don't have a sense of humor in the least.

Oh, sense of humor is one of my top priorities in "looking for a mate".  I just got done with the presession Romantic Relationships in a Changing Society.  Some of the things people do to have companionship/intamacy/passion is just ridiculous.  i want to make a fake profile that just labels me as a freak on match.com and see how many guys respond. 

Top ten things to look for in a guy, according to Rachel:

1. Has to like me back a lot, but not to the point of obsession.

2. Has to take me on an actual date, and not just to get me in bed.

3. Cannot have any obsessions with video games, such as World of Warcraft.  In fact, I'd preferred he'd never even heard of the game.

4. Has to be attractive, duh, but not arrogant about it, or he's a playa.

5. After a few dates, he has to let me pay and let the paying go back and forth from then on.

6. Has to have feelings, as in love, before I "give it up".

7. Has to have a good sense of humor, but not make fun of me (in a serious way I mean. I make fun of myself.)

8. Has to make me feel good about myself, not bad.

9. Has to listen and take an interest in my goals, but not wrapped up in me. I want to hear what's on his mind too.

10. Has to find me irresistably attractive.

ya, so I'm going to be single for a long time. I'm cool with it.  I'm still getting to know myself.

Currently Listening Celtic Women see related

this made me laugh. emily and john almost did this to me one night, but i was too tired and been drinking corona, so i passed out instead and they snuck out. it's a good thing. they were going to wait an hour before keith and daniel came home, so they'd see me duct taped to the wall, which was suppose to be around 2 or so. they didn't get home until 5:30 AM, which is good, or else i would've been sleeping duct taped to the wall for four hours. maybe some other time...

well, living at home again. pretty exciting. my sister's suppose to be having her baby in like three days...two days now? crazy. my mom's leaving town as soon as she goes into labor (she lives in san antonio).  

still haven't unpacked. it took me three hours to go through all my clothes, my sister's clothes she gave to me, which doubled the size of my wardrobe, and organize them into my closet and dresser. there's clutter and boxes sitting in my room and i'm half-way tempted to keep it that way until i move again. maybe i'll never unpack my stuff and i'll forget who i am and sell the mysterious boxes to desperate people on ebay. or throw the stuff at homeless people, although i don't know what use they'd have for a bunch of antiques a breakable figurines and books that i usually don't have time to read. they could sell them maybe?

i'm so tired. after finals, i'm going to sleep for a week straight. that's right. a week. "catching up", although there is actually no way to "catch up" on sleep. that's probably why i'm always tired. it takes at least a week to not be tired anymore, in which you have to get the right amount of sleep every night that week. and so on....who does that? especially in america....

i'm seriously considering living in ireland for a while...not now. just someday. at the end of college or after. i don't know. just a crazy idea. but i'm not as crazy as alex.

i'm considering going into psychology now. no longer jounalism...maybe, it's just that you have to be so evil, generally speaking. i'm not evil. i'd say, "Hey, do you mind if I take up a few minutes of your time for a short interview, Mr. Bill Gates?"  him: "No, get out of my house or I'm calling the cops."  me: "Ok, sorry about that..." Then i'd get fired. end of story.

"brevity is the sole of wit" i have to work on that one, and not just for wit, but in general. everything. writing especially.

new look to the xanga a new quote at the time, obviously more meaningful then the last one, kinda. willy wonka can be looked at in more depth though. i truly believe that quote. because nobody tries very hard to do anything for themselves, but dissolve into the lives of others around them or constantly try to change others' lives. you can't help anyone until you've helped yourself.

all right, this post is entirely too long. I bid you good day and good luck on your journey of finals, or if you're not in school, keep up the good work and try not to get down about being bossed around at work, and if you don't have a job, well, continue being lazy. if that's your thing.

 I dyed my hair last night to its more natural shade, but a bit darker:

other than hair dying, i'm moving back home this week over break.  I have lots of papers to write still. Finals are looming over all of us, so that's nothing out of the ordinary.  I'm housesitting for my aunt this week as well for some extra money. I'm staying in this big house all by myself with two dogs and two cats.  I think there are squirrels on the roof, or at least that's what I tell myself when I hear things in the middle of the night.

Next semester, most likely taking: German, Women's Studies, Creative Writing, Orchestra, and maybe the presession of Sociology or Holocaust in Film...but I think that's a 300 class, so prolly not.  Also, I might be joining a sorority. 

Getting more involved with WSU IR (Internet Radio)  We did a live broadcast a couple weeks ago from Weideman Hall, but we had a lot of techincal problems, so it didn't come out so great. I'm also trying to think of ideas for a talk show.  I like the idea of human interest stories, but I also want comic relief.  I would like to switch back and forth you know. If you have ANY suggestions or simply want to get involved, just give me a call. It's a student-run radio station and really easy to get involved with.  Meetings are on Tuesday and Thursday.

Well, I have to go to work now...this week's going to be weird. I hope I don't get scheduled at Pizza Hut and the Warren at the same time.

Currently Reading He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys By Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo see related

Someone told me something.  Told me two things that I find hard to believe. But what's funny is this person's never been wrong, and now the one thing they told me is actually wrong.  They're wrong for once.

I know you have no idea what I'm talking about, but I'm having trouble having faith.

I'm not gonna say I need to 'find myself', but that I need to stop being so G**D***stupid. Simply put.

I made a vow that will probably keep me sexually frustrated for a VERY long time. maybe even for the rest of my life. I think lonliness is probably better than being with someone who hurts you.  You can't be desperate, or else you settle. Lonliness can be unbearable, which causes us to do those STUPID things we do, but I guess we just learn from them.  And if we don't, then we'll keep being miserable. My standards keep getting higher.  To the point that one day probably no one will meet them, either cuz i'm too picky or because no one will be good enough.  Is that an oxymoron?

I'm just rambling now. Somebody post something about the difference between lonliness and misery, cuz they may seem the same, but trust me, they aren't. Opinions....NOW!